en proves
26 d'abril del 2005
Les relacions "en-línia": la ruptura
“(..) Estava nerviosa per la seva resposta. (..) Mai va arribar. (..) Internet ha facilitat nous tipus de relacions, de manera que és difícil saber què fer quan les coses van malament (..) I ara m’adono com n’és de fàcil trencar “en-línia” (..) Estava tan a prop d’aquest “amic” com mai ho havia estat de ningú. (..) I encara no sé realment com em sento per això.”. Per Regina Lynn, autora de la columna Sex Drive de la revista Wired.
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I used to have a friend who lived on the other side of the world. (..) in the seven years of our relationship, we had been (..) -- online buddies, editorial partners, offline friends, real-space lovers -- (..)


Our conversations became less frequent, (..) We talked about my coming to visit (..). We said how excited we were at the prospect of seeing each other again. (..)

One week before my departure, it became clear to me that I would have to choose between my professional obligation (..) or my personal commitment to go on the trip (..)


I canceled the trip. I e-mailed my decision to my friend and waited (..) I was nervous about his reply. (..) It never came.

I've read a lot over the years about internet relationships. I've perused the studies, heard the anecdotes, participated in discussions about this new frontier in human sexuality and interpersonal connection.

It has almost become mainstream to start relationships on the internet. (..)


Yet when it comes to breaking up, there's not much out there to help you figure out what to do.


(..) the internet has facilitated so many more types of relationships that it's hard to know what to do when things go wrong.

We have friendships that stay online, friendships that cross from online to off and back again, and friendships that start offline but migrate to cyberspace.


What's the etiquette for ending these nontraditional arrangements? Do three dates with someone you met online obligate you to a breakup phone call? Or is e-mail enough?

If you had a cybersex relationship so hot your computer almost caught fire, do you owe your virtual paramour an explanation if you decide to quit cybering after a week?


When your only means of communication is online, it's deafening.

I met my friend on the internet. It's the platform that held us together all those years, and the place where we felt we most understood one another. (..)

But in the end, even we didn't break up there.

When I didn't get a reply e-mail or see him on IM for a week, I followed up with a phone call, on the slim chance that my messages had gone astray.

That's when I learned that I had offended him so deeply that as far as he was concerned, our friendship was over. He didn't explain why, and after several minutes of silence, I hung up.

(..) I can only assume he felt I was choosing work over friendship, which had been a sticking point for us in the past.

And I realize now just how easy it is to break up online.

I've always championed the legitimacy of online relationships. It may be "on the internet," but that's still a real person on the other side of the chat. Over seven years of almost daily IMing, I was as close to this friend as I've ever been with anyone.


It takes two minutes to remove someone from your IM lists, (..) You can filter incoming e-mails straight to trash (..) You don't run into your online exes around town.

Online relationships tend to be emotional, because (..) we remove the physical from the equation. But without the physical reminders (..) -- a shared table at the local cafe, the friends you hung out with together, a toothbrush -- it's a hell of a lot easier to get through the emotional upheaval and move on with your life.

And I don't really know how I feel about that yet.
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